I started my internship this summer feeling somewhat unsure about what I would be doing and how I would get that something accomplished. Armed with my binder, I arrived at the courthouse ready to feel completely lost and overwhelmed. I just knew that someone was going to ask me a question I had no answer to, ask me to do something I had no idea how to approach. I somehow envisioned Judge Beam as a bulldog-like law professor who was going to force me to analyze some torts case that I hadn't read in two years.

Instead, I was at ease within five minutes of being there. People were laughing at 8:30 in the morning! I met everyone in the courthouse that morning, all of who made me feel welcome and continued to do so the entire summer.

I was assigned as guardian ad litem to my first case almost immediately. I found that instead of being unsure of what to do, I really felt confident. I learned quickly that organization was essential -- record-keeping was an important part of the process. The only part of the investigation process that made me (and continued to make me) a bit uncomfortable was having to do a home visit. Being in someone else's home with the express purpose of evaluating it is just an inherently awkward thing to do. Without exception, though, every family I visited was welcoming and wanted to be as helpful as possible.

The most difficult part of being at the juvenile court is the constant barrage of sadness and anger that is there on a daily basis. I went home the first few weeks in tears. Usually it wasn't any one situation that got to me -- it was the cumulative effect. There are continuous reminders everywhere of how much suffering so many kids have to endure. I would start to consider that every juvenile court in every city in America probably had a full docket that day as well. The ones who make it to court are fortunate in a way -- think of all the kids and families whose problems are undiscovered or who are in places with no system to help them at all. I'm not sure how to describe what happened to me after a few weeks -- it wasn't immunity or numbness, but something more like a thicker skin. At any rate, I managed to regain my optimism.

One of the most valuable experiences of my internship was getting to know the judges and lawyers at the juvenile court. Being able to talk to them about different cases and issues and, more than anything, just observing them work, taught me a lot. They really had a wealth of knowledge, experience, and skill, and I truly benefited from getting to know them. Just being at the court in general demystified the process -- I was able to see how everything works internally, from the probation officers to the file clerks to the judges.

Like in so many situations, just when I was really starting to dig in and feel really confident about what I was doing, it was time to leave. I am, however, sure that this is what I want to do after law school. Even if that were the only thing I got out of this summer, it would have been worth it.